


The incident with your pet

by Serinah



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon)
Genre: Betrayal, Comedy, Crack, Domestic Avengers, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25821160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serinah/pseuds/Serinah
Summary: Tony throws Steve under the bus. Yes, that can happen. :)
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 21
Kudos: 46
Collections: Team Fluff





	The incident with your pet

**Author's Note:**

> So this is part of the SteveTony Games for team FLUFF.
> 
> My goals were to write for square BETRAYAL (in a fluffy way), in a form of EPISTOLARY, which is NON-LINEAR (not sure if it qualifies, but tony is writing it all in the wrong order to muddy the waters). And Tony is also a somewhat UNRELIABLE NARRATOR.  
> It's set in AVENGERS ASSEMBLE universe.

TO: thor.odinsson@aveng.si.com

FROM: tony.stark@aveng.si.com

SUBJECT: the incident with your pet

Dear Thor,

I know you are a traditional man, so I decided that for this, I can try to be somewhat more traditional too. But forget parchment, no way am I going to write in hand. (I just hope your inbox is not full yet.)

I know, it seems like I let people in your apartments to just frolic around to get your poor pet all worked up for no good reason, but the truth is: it was Steve.

I know, he’ll try and pin this on me, but believe me when I say this: nothing that happened was at all my intention.

It went like this.

Last night, Hawkeye and Hulk ended up betting that the other could not possibly swipe your wonderfully huge pet’s favorite chew toy without him noticing. And I said that your hog—

Well, not a hog, I know it’s a bilgesnipe. Doesn’t matter. _I_ didn’t say anything bad about him! Steve was the one to goad the others, and I will tell you how in a minute.

What matters is that soon, Hawkeye and Hulk were both pretty sure they could sneak in and take that gold thingie. And you know what would happen if the beast smelled Hawkeye taking his things, right? We’d be lucky if there was a wet spot to clean up! And who knows what would’ve happened if he and Hulk started rough-housing? Would the structural integrity of the tower survive? I know I should've got involved there and then, but I really thought Steve was sincerely helping when he told them to forget the whole idea.

But I’m getting ahead of myself! The truth is, they’ve actually been at it a lot longer than since last night. Hulk and Birdbrain. Seriously, they’d been arguing for days! And I honestly thought that our beloved captain had it. He told them to leave the poor beast alone! What a good friend, heh? He must’ve _known_ it was like a red rag to a bull!

Anyway. A few days ago, Clint and Hulk were discussing which of the avengers could sneak quietly enough to get past the be-bilgesnipe and Clint said that Natasha could and he could, so Hulk said ‘no way’, and Steve _again_ said— 

Ok, so what is important here is that he _knows_ that one can’t just tell Hulk what he can and can’t do. And then _Birdbrain_ insinuated that Hulk had no idea what the word ‘sneak’ even meant, at which point Steve told them to shut up. I thought that that was it now. Problem solved, but then Steve said that neither of them would be doing it anyway and that’s just like spraying real blood on that same red rag! I think Hawkeye even winked at Steve.

You know that Steve is a brilliant strategist, right? You can’t possibly believe that his actual goal wasn’t getting Hulk and Clint completely worked up and betting that the other couldn’t sneak quietly enough!

So, at that point, I knew I had to do _something_! And since Steve was the one to pour oil into the fire, I decided to set up an alarm before your quarters that blared only in Steve’s rooms. It wasn’t just because Steve was responsible though. It was also because he’s the strongest and smartest of all of us by far. A great strategist, right? It was not my fault that the sneak-brain duo had decided to execute their plan when Steve was in the shower, nor that he thought it was an actual invasion. And none of us knew that your apartment was spelled to automatically lock once the intruders were in! And you know how bad I am with magic!

In retrospect, I think you and I can both agree that it would only be generous of you to forgive Steve for not allowing them to engage with the poor Bilge directly. They could’ve injured him in combat, all three of them!

So you see, despite what had been insinuated, Steve running around your gilded halls buck naked (although what a sight, right?) being chased by the mighty hog until it collapsed, the poor thing, was not at all my idea.

In short, you’ll just have to give this old man a break, I was fooled.

I’m glad that you are coming back to take care of your pet yourself, and so soon. The sooner the better! Only sad that I have to be in Hong Kong like, yesterday, but see you in a week or so, yeah? And go easy on Steve, he didn’t mean for it to turn out quite like this, I’m sure!

Your faithful friend,

Tony

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked? :)
> 
> (Oh, I forgot to add a source of my inspiration:  
> https://bit.ly/3kugIpx  
> It's a newspaper article about a naked German man chasing a wild hog bc it stole his laptop. The pic is hilarious. I couldn't open the article, but when I posted it in discord, I could see a preview. Maybe you can try that too if it doesn't open for you?)


End file.
